You can
marry a divorced person if:
1) Their divorce pre-dates their born
again experience (2 cor 5:17, Gal 6:14-15) -limit one born-again experience
claimed.
2)
Their
unbelieving spouse divorced them [only] because of their faith (1 Cor 7:12-17)
3) They divorced their spouse for
martial “unfaithfulness” (Matt 19:9)
-- continually and willfully not
providing any of the following:
a)
her (Exod 21:10-11) Food (also 1 Tim 5:8)
b)
her (Exod 21:10-11) Clothing (also 1 Tim 5:8)
c)
her/him
Monogamous (),
regular (1 Cor 7:5) sex.
Matt 5:31-32
31 "It
has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of
divorce.'
32 But
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an
adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
33 "Again,
you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your
oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.'
Unfaithfulness-
4202
porneia (por-ni'-ah); from
4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry:
KJV-- fornication. 4202 porneia (por-ni'-ah); from 4203; harlotry
(including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry: KJV-- fornication.
Yes, this is the word is similar to our word “porn”. This is no coincidence. If a man always prefers to masturbate while
he looks at porn, instead of ever having sex with his wife, then she may
divorce him. Women aren’t usually as
much in to porn, but if they were into it more than their husband (idolatry),
then the same rule applies. This type of
adultery is a deadly sin.
Christ’s “porneia” exception in Matt 5:32 is foreshadowed in the Torah,
and reinforced in the epistles.
Some Roles in marriage:
Exod 21:7-11
7 "If
a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do.
8 If
she does not please the master who has selected
her for himself, he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has
broken faith with her.
9 If
he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter.
10 If
he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food,
clothing and marital rights.
11
If he does not
provide her with these three things, she
is to go free, without any payment of money. (NIV)
Most whites no longer buy their wives, but most people in the world still
do --paying a bride price. This example
above could be considered as a cultural equivalent to engagement/marriage. Verse 8 defines the relationship with this
phrase:
selected her for himself -3259
ya` ad (yaw-ad'); a primitive
root; to fix upon (by agreement or appointment); by implication, to meet (at a
stated time), to summon (to trial), to direct (in a certain quarter or
position), to engage (for marriage):
-agree, make an) appointment, a time), assemble (selves), betroth, gather (selves, together), meet (together), set (a time).
***. Ye` dow See 3260.
For
If he commits to keep or marry her, but does not follow through by
providing (Ex 21:10)
12
she is to go
free, without any payment of money.
(NIV)
So, the irresponsible or delinquent husband loses the bride price he
paid, and he loses the girl. She is free
to go find another husband, as far as I can tell. Look at the Hebrew for yourself:
she
is to go free - 3318 yatsa'
(yaw-tsaw'); a primitive root; to go (causatively, bring) out, in a great
variety of applications, literally and figuratively, direct and proxim.:
KJV-- X after, appear, X assuredly,
bear out, X begotten, break out, bring forth (out, up), carry out, come
(abroad, out, thereat, without), + be condemned, depart (-ing, -ure), draw
forth, in the end, escape, exact, fail, fall (out), fetch forth (out), get away
(forth, hence, out), (able to, cause to, let) go abroad (forth, on, out), going
out, grow, have forth (out), issue out, lay (lie) out, lead out, pluck out,
proceed, pull out, put away, be risen, X scarce, send with commandment, shoot
forth, spread, spring out, stand out, X still, X surely, take forth (out), at
any time, X to [and fro], utter.
Marital rights In verse 10 is also translated as “conjugal relations” in KJV, and does refer to regular sex, or sexual cohabitation, per below.
(2)Marital rights 5772 `ownah (o-naw'); -from an unused root apparently meaning to dwell together; sexual (cohabitation):
KJV-- duty of marriage.
However, the Amplified Bible does not translate “conjugal rights” as sex at all.
1 Corinthians 7 (Amplified Bible)
3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband.
This translation is interesting because without these things people are unlikely to be sexually attracted to their spouse. Therefore, they could be considered part of this concept, which can also be translated as “dwell together as a married couple”.
Back to Exod 21:7-11: If he keeps
her as his wife, and does not provide all 3—meaning that he does not put out,
then she is to be allowed to go free.
We see the mandatory sex rule in marriage reappear in the New Testament:
1 Cor 7:3-5
3 The
husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to
her husband.
4 The
wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same
way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do
not deprive each other except by mutual
consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then
come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control. (NIV)
As with any
law, there is a judge to decide case-by-case.
The onset of medical impairments, compulsory military draft, and other
factors beyond the breeching spouse’s control could affect sexual results for
months or even years at a time. However,
like God, we look for the effort and
intention of the failing member of a covenant. If they are sincere and trying, then we
should help them toward restoring covenant fulfillment,
in this case, marriage fulfillment. This
same principle can be applied to emotional barriers to regular sexual
fulfillment of the marriage covenant.
For example, replacing criticism with goodwill and kindness--per the 1 Corinthians
7 (Amplified Bible) above in the box–could help both spouses restore each
other to sexual faithfulness.
In this
same passage, we also see the food and clothing requirement reappear as
well—carrying even salvific weight:
Rom 13:7-8
7 Give
everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then
revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.
8 Let
no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for
he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. (NIV)
1 Tim 5:8
8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially
for his immediate family, he has denied
the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
(NIV)
Obviously,
a man’s effort and intention to provide
is more important to God than how rich or able he is to provide. A woman should not leave a man over
money. That may be why we find blanket
prohibitions on divorce in general, in more than one place in scripture.
Luke 16:17-18
17 It
is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen
to drop out of the Law.
18 "Anyone
who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man
who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Back to our
3 requirements for the groom of Duet 21:7-11.
Food or clothing – it is hard to survive without those. Will God not understand if a wife leaves a
man because she is starving? Would she
be committing adultery if she did? I
think that Duet 21:7-11 makes these 3 provisions for women to leave marriages,
and still be eligible for re-marriage.
Remember, that when they leave, the children
usually come with them. The children need food and clothing.
Matt 5:31-32
31 "It
has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of
divorce.'
32 But
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an
adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
33 "Again,
you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your
oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.'
Unfaithfulness-
4202
porneia (por-ni'-ah); from 4203; harlotry (including adultery and
incest); figuratively, idolatry:
KJV-- fornication. 4202 porneia (por-ni'-ah); from 4203; harlotry
(including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry: KJV-- fornication.
This type of unfaithfulness may also be translated, “gone a whoring”, if
you like King James. This is the only
exception to the “no divorce” rule. It
is restated here:
Matthew
19 (Amplified Bible)
9I say to you:
whoever dismisses (repudiates, divorces) his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits
adultery, [c]and
he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
10The disciples
said to Him, If the case of a man with his wife is like this, it is neither
profitable nor advisable to marry.
11But He said to
them, Not all men can accept this saying, but it is for those to whom [the
capacity to receive] it has been given.
12For there are
eunuchs who have been born incapable of marriage; and there are eunuchs who
have been made so by men; and there are eunuchs who have made themselves
incapable of marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let him who is
able to accept this accept it.
In verse 11 and 12, Jesus is limiting the intended audience of the
disciples saying, not his own. Paul
later gives this same advice, while also admitting that only certain people
have this gift of singleness.
Your husband or wife being on the way to hell is also not an excuse for
divorce, in case you were wondering:
1 Cor 7:12-17
12 To
the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a
believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13 And
if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with
her, she must not divorce him.
14 For
the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the
unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise
your children would be unclean, but as it
is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.
A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us
to live in peace.
16 How
do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know,
husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 Nevertheless,
each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to
which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. (NIV)
This passage only relieves you of attempting to pursue reconciliation
with an unbeliever who leaves you.
1 Cor 7:10
10To the married I give this command
(not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she
does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
Amplified Bible
10But to the
married people I give charge--not I but the Lord--that the wife is not to
separate from her husband.
11But if she does
[separate from and divorce him], let her remain single or else be reconciled to
her husband. And [I charge] the husband [also] that he should not put away or divorce
his wife.
Q: My spouse left me, but not for
unfaithfulness. May I
a.
Divorce them?
a.
Some bible teachers read this passage as saying that a
husband who gets left by a believing wife cannot divorce her. Here are 3 problems I have with that.
i.
Believers don’t leave their spouses except for maritial
unfaithfulness. Christians are not adulterers.
ii.
1 Cor 7:10 NIV above reads “a” husband (in general), not
“the” husband (in that particular case) -- referring to sentence before it.
iii.
The Amplified
Bible uses the same phrase, “put away”, to refer to what the wife did, and then
to what the husband might do. Why would
Paul command him not to put away a wife who has already put him away? This shows that both sentences in verse 11
could not be referring to the same specific case of a Christian husband
abandoned by a Christian wife.
Therefore, the last sentence in verse 18 only states the same
expectation for a man in general—that he should not end his marriage with his
wife. The terminology may be different
per gender because women may not have had the legal right to divorce—I don’t
know. This does not affect the theology
of it.
b.
Remarry? - If
your unbelieving spouse leaves you, but not for marital unfaithfulness, then
you are not bound (v.15). I assume that
this means you may remarry, and you need not pursue reconciliation; as
contrasted with 1 Cor 7:11.
Q: My Christian spouse left me
because I was unfaithful. May I
a.
Divorce them – no.
1 Cor 7:10-11
b.
Remarry – no. 1 Cor 7:10-11
Deut 24:1-4
1 If a man marries a woman who becomes
displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her,
and he writes her a certificate of
divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,
2 and
if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man,
3 and
her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives
it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies,
4 then
her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after
she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not
bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Moses was not condoning or commanding, but dealing with a sinful
situation where their hearts were hardened (Matt 19:3-9). This law refers to a practice that they
already had. The practice may also be
rationalized based in part on the above Exod 21:7-11 passage. Adam Clarke clarifies this interpretation:
The grand subject of dispute between the two schools,
mentioned above, was the word in #De 24:1, When a man hath taken a wife-and she
find no grace in his sight, because of some UNCLEANNESS, [Hebrew word]
eruath:-this the school of Shammai held to mean whoredom or adultery; but the
school of Hillel maintained that it signified any corporeal defect, which
rendered the person deformed, or any bad temper which made the husband's life
uncomfortable. Any of the latter a good man might bear with; but it appears
that Moses permitted the offended husband to put away the wife on these
accounts, merely to save her from cruel usage. In this discourse, our Lord
shows that marriage, (except in one case,) is indissoluble, and should be so:
Here are the two definitions of the Hebrew word for you:
Brown-Driver-Briggs:
6172
`ervah-
nakedness, nudity, shame, pudenda,
genitalia
a) pudenda (implying shameful
exposure)
b) nakedness of a thing, indecency, improper behavior
c) exposed, undefended (figurative)
Strongs:
6172
`ervah (er-vaw');from 6168; nudity, literally (especially the pudenda)
or figuratively (disgrace, blemish): KJV-- nakedness, shame, unclean (-ness).
My personal interpretation of Deut 24:1-4 agrees with the
“If a man divorces his wife for
whoring around, and she remarries someone else, then he can’t re-marry
her.”
This keeps them from passing women back and forth. This passage says
nothing of the adulteress’s remarriage being a sin that needs to be repented of
or corrected. In fact, it forbids it
correcting it in the same way that correction is implied for Herodias, the wife
of Herod’s brother, Phillip.
Mk. 6:17, 18:
"For Herod himself had given
orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound and put in prison. He did
this because of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, whom he had married.
For John had been saying to Herod, 'It is not lawful for you to have your
brother's wife.'"
If Philip had divorced his wife over uncleanness, then he could not
remarry her. However, it sounds like his
wife was actually stolen from him. In
this case, it sounded like Herod should give her back. This is not the usual case though:
They say, If a man put away his wife,
and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again?
shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with
many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD.
This is why I have a problem with
people divorcing their current spouse in order to reunite with their
original: You know what they say, 2
wrongs don't make a right.
Luke 16:17-18
17 It
is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen
to drop out of the Law.
18 "Anyone
who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man
who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Based on verse 18, a few Bible teachers would reason that if you are
married to a divorced woman, then you are committing present tense
adultery. I agree that in many cases
this is true. However, I disagree with
the solution they propose: They
recommend that you should re-unite with your original spouse in order to repent
of the sins of:
1.
Divorce with your
first spouse
However, this solution creates at least 2 more problems of its own, in
like manner:
1.
Divorce with your 2nd spouse
2.
Adultery with your 1st (cheating on your
second spouse)
I would advise as Paul might:
1 Cor 7:12-17
17 Nevertheless,
each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to
which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. (NIV)
If you have an unbiblical divorce in your past, don’t do anymore
unbiblical divorces. I do not recommend
that anyone do an unbiblical divorce in any case. This is because I believe
that very few people have the gift of
singleness, and that even fewer will live out that calling faithfully. Therefore, almost all of such divorcees will
either remarry or fornicate. In either
case, they will be committing adultery.
What if a
divorced person gets born again? Can
they re-marry biblically?
2 Cor 5:16-21
16 So from now
on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded
Christ in this way, we do so no longer.
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new
creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
18 All this is
from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry
of reconciliation:
19 that God was
reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against
them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
20 We are
therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through
us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
21 God made him
who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the
righteousness of God. (NIV)
Gal 6:14-15
14 May I never
boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has
been crucified to me, and I to the world.
15 Neither
circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation.
(NIV)
This brings us to the problem of people claiming multiple born-again
experiences. I frown on that practice in
general. Theoretically, it could get
ridiculous and there would be no accountability regarding someone’s true
Christian testimony. Someone who has not
remained faithful to God in the past (since they were born again), probably
will not remain faithful to Him in the future.
Why would you marry someone like that?
2 Corinthians
6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together
with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:13-15 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 6 (Whole Chapter)
I guess a couple with equally yo-yo (inconsistent) Christian testimonies
could marry per above, but I would not want to marry them because marriage is
also a public, legal, and community-facing institution. Trust me; it can be embarrassing when it does
not work out. I would prefer to marry a
couple that has some personal and spiritual integrity and history behind the
commitment they are making to each other.
Jesus balances the Deut 24:1-4 scriptures with Genesis to teach the true
meaning of Moses’ writings.
Matt 19:3-9
3 Some
Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
4 "Haven't
you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them
male and female,'
5 and
said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to
his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?
6 So
they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let
man not separate."
7 "Why
then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a
certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8 Jesus
replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts
were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
9 I
tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman
commits adultery."
Mark
10:2-12 (New American Standard Bible)
2Some
Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it
was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.
3And
He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?"
4They
said, "(A)Moses
permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY."
5But
Jesus said to them, "(B)Because
of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
6"But
(C)from
the beginning of creation, God (D)MADE
THEM MALE AND FEMALE.
7"(E)FOR
THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER[a],
8(F)AND
THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9"What
therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
10In
the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.
11And
He said to them, "(G)Whoever
divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her;
12and
(H)if
she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is
committing adultery."
Footnotes:
a.
Mark
10:7 Many late mss add and shall cling to his wife
Cross references:
A.
Mark
10:4 : Deut 24:1, 3; Matt 5:31
C.
Mark
10:6 : Mark 13:19; 2 Pet 3:4
D.
Mark
10:6 : Gen 1:27; 5:2
G.
Mark
10:11 : Matt 5:32
H.
Mark
10:12 : 1 Cor 7:11, 13
Luke 16:17-18
17 It
is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen
to drop out of the Law.
18 "Anyone
who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man
who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
These last two scriptures do not leave any wiggle room at all: No caveat for those who remarry after leaving
habitually unfaithful spouses. These
faithful spouses may have been:
1.
Cheated on
2.
Defrauded
a.
P-whipped
b.
D-whipped
3.
Left
4.
Women who were
a.
Naked
b.
Hungry
None of these scriptures even mention separating from a spouse who does
illegal things to you, like beats you, or beats your kids. These scriptures don’t mention hundreds of
scenarios that the leaders and Judges of Israel would have made a common sense
ruling on. However, debatable matters,
such as the definition of “unfaithfulness” are debates that continue to this
day.
Due perhaps, in part to these debates, and the need for the hearing of
individual cases, these last two decrees are issued to spoil everyone’s divorce
party. Everybody would go for #2. At least I know the guys would. Except in the case of death, these last two
scriptures go like this:
Remarriage =
Adultery
That should be enough to scare Christians away from divorce or separation
at least until things get adulterous or dangerous, or both.
Mal 2:13-16
13 Another
thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because
he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure
from your hands.
14 You
ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between
you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though
she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has
not made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he
was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break
faith with the wife of your youth.
16 "I
hate divorce," says the LORD God of
How we define marital unfaithfulness
is a tough issue, but remember:
2 Tim 2:15
15 Do
your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not
need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
Summary
You can
marry a divorced person if:
4) Their divorce pre-dates their born
again experience (2 cor 5:17, Gal 6:14-15) -limit one born-again experience
claimed.
5)
Their
unbelieving spouse divorced them [only] because of their faith (1 Cor 7:12-17)
6) They divorced their spouse for
martial “unfaithfulness” (Matt 19:9)
-- continually and willfully not
providing any of the following:
a)
her (Exod 21:10-11) Food (also 1 Tim 5:8)
b)
her (Exod 21:10-11) Clothing (also 1 Tim 5:8)
c)
her/him
Monogamous (),
regular (1 Cor 7:5) sex.
Think
of marriage as permanent
If you are reading this article looking for ammunition from the Bible
with which to replace your spouse, please consider the following:
1)
After divorce, Christian Counselors recommend a 2-year
waiting period that includes individual and group counseling, including divorce
recovery class -- before seeking another mate.
2)
Even in cases listed in #2, including 2c, it has been my
experience that Pastors encourage couples to work through the underlying issues
together toward rebuilding trust and restoring the marriage. So add another year of marriage counseling to
your replacement plan or better yet consider being the spouse that does not
drive your spouse towards adultery.
-----
(1) redeemed--6299 padah (paw-daw'); a primitive root; to sever, i.e. ransom;
gener. to release, preserve: KJV-- X at all, deliver, X by any means, ransom,
(that are to be, let be) redeem (-ed), rescue, X surely.